Monday, June 16, 2014

Joachim Low with the ultimate nosepick power move

Calm down everyone, I'm back. It's ok baby, I never left you for good, I just needed my space, to find me, you know? I never stopped loving you, life is just complicated sometimes, but I always knew I'd come back to you. For now let's focus on the good stuff. It's the World Cup again and jesus did it remind why I love soccer so much. Sure there's passion and beauty and tension and athleticism but that's not why of course. It's the fucking nosepicks, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Soccer players fucking love picking their noses. The World Cup is practically Christmas for me. They are the most creative and excessive in that department.
Robin Van Persie is back, and I can't wait to feature him when he inevitably picks his nose in celebration of a goal, but when it comes to nosepicking, Joachim Loew is my absolute favorite. The man is obsessed with picking his nose. He has reached the point where he is using it as a power move. Watch as he gazes over the pitch seeing Ronaldo come jogging over. His team just demolished Portugal and so he needs to remind Ronaldo and the world who is boss. He picks his nose, and then reaches out to shake Ronaldo's hand. The technique itself is nothing to write home about, but he did it with such openness, such disregard for cleanliness or decorum. He makes Ronaldo take his nosepick remnants. Here you go bud, take that booger, enjoy it. He even taps on the hand for the extra emphasis. Ronaldo is now the property of Joachim Loew. This is just how the world works. Tune in next time when Loew makes Ronaldo hold his beltloop.

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