"Holy Shit! I am so fucking nervous! Roll Tide. My team is tied in Overtime with the number one team in the nation. FUCKFUCKFUCK. I'm freaking out, man. We're gonna lose, we're totally gonna lose. Roll Tide. SHIT. I'm not drunk enough for this shit. and I'm cold and I wore my turtleneck sweater to a nationally televised game. Idiot. Damnit. I have to pick my nose. Jesus. Last time I did that, we lost the game. But I really have to pick my nose. It means one thing. I have to go for it. I know people who broke their septum attempting it, but I have to. Pointerfingerthumb combo. It's happening. I just hope no one sees me doing it. Roll Tide. Mitt Romney."
This is how I think the Alabama mind works.
I have not seen this acclaimed nosepick technique yet. Such skill and flexibility required. Nosepick innovation really begins at the grassroots level.
I have to swallow my pride to say this, but hats off to you random Alabama fan. Also you lost the game.