Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A sad, sad snapshot of the NBA today

In the holiday spirit, I give ya'll 2 posts in one day. Because I love you guys. Every single one of you fans. YOU too, even though you smell bad.

This was a post I saw on facebook celebrating 1/8th of the season so far for the Knicks. When you know you're getting eliminated in the first round, you take what you can get.

Rodney Stuckey is pictured in the background trying to sneak one past us. We see you. It's obvious. If you're going to do it, don't be ashamed. Embrace it. I hope to see a little more pride out of you next time, Rodney.

The Tale of Two Nosepicks

What's up shitbirds? Have a good Turkey Day? I know for me it was fantastic. Food and Football. Gluttony and Watching large men in tights throw themselves at each other. What could be more Amurican. So while you were filling your fat face, some people worked to bring you material. For you. The fans.

During the Patriots/Jets game, we had really just a miserable game. The Patriots embarassed the Jets. When things were bleak competitively, the quarterbacks decided to have a side competition themselves. The nosepick once again sums up the personalities so perfectly. Up top we have Mark Sanchez. Lackadaisical, aloof, wallowing, with his lazy clamp nosepick. Mouth agape, staring upwards, as he wonders what he's doing out there.
Below we have Tom Brady. Focused. Forehead furrowed. Mouth pursed. You can see the force he's applying, pinching with authority with his clamp nosepick.  You don't just mush your nose and expect results. SANCHEZ. You bring the focus to a point. This is why Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl winner. You don't slack off. In Anything. This includes nosepicks. SANCHEZ. SANCHEZ. SANCHEZ. We want Tebow.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving ya'll. (Shout out to Soo-Min Shin for the image captures)

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Jim Boeheim and the throwaway nosepick

Earlier this year, Jim Boeheim was caught picking his nose during the Big East Tournament. I have to say I am disappointed to see such poor form out of Coach. This is the kind of lazy nosepick that gets you eliminated from the tournament early, as his teams are prone to do. The pinky is not the most effective tool to use and he just nonchalantly picks his nose without any regard to form or effectiveness. No passion. No heart. No hustle. He's 67 and maybe the years are starting to wear on him, because his teams and his nosepicks just aren't cutting it anymore. He may be talented, but without hard work his nosepicks will always be second rate. Set an example for your team, Coach! I want to see the determination that wins national champions! Because when you slack on your nosepicks, your teams slack in response. Show some respect.

Courtesy of throwtheflagblog.com

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Thursday, October 11, 2012

The TENSION of this nosepick is palpable

"Holy Shit! I am so fucking nervous! Roll Tide. My team is tied in Overtime with the number one team in the nation. FUCKFUCKFUCK. I'm freaking out, man. We're gonna lose, we're totally gonna lose. Roll Tide. SHIT. I'm not drunk enough for this shit. and I'm cold and I wore my turtleneck sweater to a nationally televised game. Idiot. Damnit. I have to pick my nose. Jesus. Last time I did that, we lost the game. But I really have to pick my nose. It means one thing. I have to go for it. I know people who broke their septum attempting it, but I have to. Pointerfingerthumb combo. It's happening. I just hope no one sees me doing it. Roll Tide. Mitt Romney."

This is how I think the Alabama mind works.

I have not seen this acclaimed nosepick technique yet. Such skill and flexibility required. Nosepick innovation really begins at the grassroots level. 
I have to swallow my pride to say this, but hats off to you random Alabama fan. Also you lost the game.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Josh Hamilton. The epitome of MAN

Josh Hamiltion's snotrocket
I had the pleasure of seeing Josh Hamilton at the restaurant where I work when he was playing against the Yankees. I did not ask for a nosepick then because apparently there's some taboo against asking that while I am working and he is with his family. Luckily for me, however, all of that anxious nosepicking energy built up to this fantastic find by Deadspin. First Hamilton spits his gum out. And then, what's this? An itch in my nose? Nosepick? Nah. Tissue? For pussies. Time to get rid of this booger THE MAN'S WAY. He turns his head, puts his finger on a nostril and lets out a fierce snotrocket. What really makes this for me was him looking directly into the camera with a look of a man possessed. This snotrocket is happening. The momentum can not be stopped. I know the camera's on me, and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I've been to the bottom, I'm on top now and I'll show you what I think of your silly "rules" and "hygiene". This is the disregard for societal norms that the world needs more today. Truly a rebel for the right cause. I raise the flag with you, Josh. (His family was very nice, I hope his daughter had a lovely birthday) ((He went 0-3, the day I waited on his table, I'm sorry if the service was less than excellent, I was very nervous.)) (((Follow on Twitter? I'll stop with the parentheses)))

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Paul Pierce's Bloody Nose

While not a nosepick officially, this is a fine addition to the collection. An unidentified hand removes the remnants of a bandaid from inside Paul Pierce's nose. Gaze upon the glory of Paul Pierce and his terrible, terrible facial hair. Feel the pain of the poor soul who has to do this for a living. And most importantly: Rejoice knowing that someone gave Paul Pierce a bloody nose.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Olympics have arrived! Lets celebrate with a creepy background nosepick

Believe it or not, living on a boat with no cable or internet has its downsides. Specifically not capturing the millions of nosepicks the swimmers perform each round. Luckily the internet did capture this gem of a lurk picking his nose behind US Olympian Jordyn Wieber. Quit distracting her with your sex appeal, SIR. She has a gold to win for her country you selfish sexy bastard. Save it for the bedroom!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Mark Herzlich is a better man than you.

Every part of this picture is fantastic. He is the man. Look at that ring! The tie. The sunglasses. The ring! The joyous grin one gets from picking their nose. That fucking ring! Holy shit. Awesome picture, awesome guy. Thank you Mark. You are a true American hero. God bless.

(Thank you Brittany Craig for the picture)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Ribery doubles up on doing whatever the fuck he wants

Ribery you fucking gorgeous man. Double snot rocket on a massive stage. A man who uses the "I didn't know she was a minor when I solicited her as a prostitute" defense to get out of a solicitation of a prostitute who is a minor charge is clearly untouchable. So double snot rocket, because fuck you that's why

Credit to my father for his considerable resources to capture the image. Just trying to make him proud..

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Time to celebrate Mother's Day finally

Working on Sunday: Mother's Day and my birthday left little time to post these pictures sent in by Atticus Tamman. It was a wild day in the premiere league with Man City winning it due to some late game heroics. From the last day of the Premiere League season we have two nosepicks: Vincent Kompany of Manchester City and Wayne Rooney of Manchester United. Manchester City just edged out Manchester United for the title and I think these pictures explain it all. Both involve players using the clamp technique on the left nostril. Very similar execution but the face tells the story. Rooney looks like he is simply accepting the results as is. He is content just picking his nose at the end of the match. Once a man inspired by his baldness, the hairplugs have pacified the man. Kompany on the other hand had a determined look on his face. He still has the EPL to champion and the nosepick is simply a stepping stone to the ultimate goal. Picking his nose with a chip on his shoulder. This is what champions are made of.

P.S. Happy mother's day mom

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

APTN has reached 100 posts! Come celebrate with me

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=YfZml-0lr6Y <p>  There was only one option to go with the 100th post, so I sat on this video for a couple of weeks.
Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casilos picks his nose presumably to relax his mind and calm pregame jitters, and while the pick was impressive in itself, Casilos wanted magic. Sanchez wiped onto Brunell's jacket which in hindsight looks quaint. Casilos went for legend status and wiped it onto the child with which he was walking onto the pitch. Right on the cheek. The child was stunned before being completely disgusted. Welcome to the real world, kid. Your heroes are assholes, embarrassment is televised, and boogers are wiped on your face. This is life.
Sanchez threw the gauntlet down and Casilos nobly picked it up and one upped him. Who will be next to set the internet on fire with a nosepick like Sanchez and Casilos? Will we ever see such a performance again? Here's to finding out in the next 100 posts.

As for the celebration of the monumental landmark, we are having a raffle for a free APTN tshirt. I will have a status on facebook that you can comment on to enter. One lucky fan will get a tshirt, you have until May 1st to enter.

Monday, April 23, 2012

An old white guy in baseball picking his nose

Perhaps the most expected photo on the site. I am neither surprised nor excited by this picture. But here it is for posterity's sake. An old guy doing an old guy thing. Coaching baseball and picking his nose. The technique is impeccable of course. This man is a seasoned vet in a way that you can only get from at least 60 years of picking your nose. Bonus points to anyone who can figure out which game this is from, I got this from "the internet" so good luck.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

It's playoff season which means the nosepicks mean more

NHL Playoffs. Passion. Intensity. Disappointment. When you drop a 3-0 lead sometimes all the fans can do is pick their noses in shame. Sorry dude. Sports suck sometimes.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Georgia fan living up to expectations

I would expect nothing less from a Bulldog fan. Thank you for not letting me down. Courtesy of thisisphotobomb.com A pure, unadulterated nosepick. Bulldog nation is alive and well and full of nosepickers.

Friday, April 13, 2012

The Nobility of the Modern Backup Quarterback

Here we have Adam Joshua Feeley. When it comes to being a backup quarterback, he is one of the best. When occasionally filling in for real professional starters, he always knew when to play well to drum up a fake quarterback controversy and when to completely suck to remind teams that they should stick with the guy they had before. Some people are born stars. Some people are born to hold clipboards on the sideline and signal to the stars. A.J is the latter. After backing up Joey Harrington in college, Feeley went on to backup for multiple NFL teams before landing in St. Louis as seen in the picture below. I'd also like to remind everyone that although he backed up Harrington, Feeley is still in the NFL. On the other hand Harrington, once he was relieved of starting quarterback duties, could not handle the pressure of being a backup and retired soon after.

In this capture we see Feeley possess the poise that only someone used to standing in the background can have. There is his offensive coordinator yelling in the foreground to a dazed Sam Bradford, but Feeley knows to keep cool. There is no pressure on him to look good for the cameras, or actually win games. He just has to suit up, pretend to like the starting QB, and collect his check. That's why he can get away with a nonchalant nosepick in the background. This nosepick tells me this man is confident and under control. He picks his nose and that's ok because at most he'll be caught as a minor detail in the background. In the NFL, the key to longevity is to be a minor detail in the background, and therefore Feeley is a wise man. A wise man who picks his nose.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

Wolverhampton played Arsenal yesterday and lost 3-0. Kevin Doyle was caught picking his nose during the match by avid fan of the site Atticus Tamman, who should also probably clean his laptop screen.
I only have one thing to say to Doyle. You are not Robin Van Persie. You will never be Robin Van Persie. Stop trying, it's pitiful. RVP had a goal, you didn't. There is no standing up to his might. Please next time, know your place: Don't pick your nose in front of a legend.

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Lance Berkman: Freedom Fighter. Nosepicker.

If yesterday was about the timid nosepick with other things on his mind. Today is all about the unabashed nosepick. There is nothing on Lance Berkman's mind besides clearing his nostrils. He had a mission and he was going to do whatever it takes. The facial contortion and the classic pointer finger is a throwback to when "society" and "the media" didn't scorn you when you did things of which they disapproved. Lance said "Forget your rules, I have to pick my nose dammit and that's what I'm going to do". This trait is admirable and I love it. Lance: keep rebelling. When you accept society's rules on nosepicks you lose your freedom and then what did William Wallace and George Washington fight for?

Remember, follow us on twitter because the more followers I have the cooler I am

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Brett Anderson and the travails of life

The sports world can be cruel sometimes. It provides some of the greatest highs to a select few but often it can provide some serious lows. Brett Anderson is clearly experiencing the latter. Sitting in the dugout moping is a time honored tradition in baseball and Anderson is a professional moper. Leaning forward, chin on his hand with a face of a man forsaken. He couldn't even muster the effort for the full nosepick. He needs to clear his nose out but he has a lot weighing on him. So he lazily uses the pinky finger in a half-hearted attempt at nosepicking. I just want to know what's bothering him. Open up, Brett. I understand man, life can get you down sometimes..

Remember check twitter to see me talking to myself

Sunday, April 1, 2012

This is a message to all soccer players

I know you like picking your noses. I get it. It has helped my website immensely and I appreciate that. With all the grass and pollen around, allergies are bound to make you need to pick your nose. However may I humbly suggest Allegra, it offers 24 hour relief from indoor and outdoor allergies and may relieve you from having to constantly pick your nose. I tell you this to the detriment of my site, but the betterment of your sinuses. Please go to a pharmacy and help yourselves. I hate to see you suffer so much.
With that said, here's Zlatan, mucking up his jersey on the pitch, courtesy of adoring fan Atticus Tamman. With both nostrils suffering, Zlatan was beyond relief from just picking his nose, he needed his jersey to alleviate his problem. While not as soft and moisturizing as Kleenex, it did in a pinch. Glad a soccer player realized he had tools at his disposable other than his fingers. Now, please, go get a prescription. Or buy an over-the-counter drug. Anything, just help yourselves.
(Allegra, Kleenex call me, we could use a sponsor)

Friday, March 16, 2012

March Mothafuckin' Madness ya'll

It's that time of ye

ar again. When the hopes and dreams of hundreds of fragile young men are shattered in front of millions of people. Love that schadenfreude. Err I mean I respect the hustle and passion. In that spirit we have a nosepick tipped off by fan Patrick Zayas and captured by the lovely Safia Ibrahim.
It's nice to see so much religious devotion in a nosepick. Cultures used to offer a sacrifice to the gods when praying and although a miracle was not in store for Davidson, this bench player offered a sacrifice of his own as if to say "it's all I have to offer".
Refusing to unclasp his hands (because everyone knows that's prayer bad luck) this player smoothly transitioned to the prayer nosepick. Often used by juveniles in the church setting it is underutilized in the sports setting and I for one am glad to see the emergence of other nosepicking techniques. Its almost enough to make a man go to church. Then again basketball is on..

Saturday, March 10, 2012

APTN gets its first interview

Thanks go to Tom Kelly for the promotion. Check it out in all its glorious awkwardness. Stay tuned for more nosepicks, coming up. And follow us on twitter at www.twitter.com/the_real_aptn because who doesn't love incessant groveling to celebrities? Don't lie to me America

Friday, March 9, 2012

I'm not exactly sure what happened last night

But APTN got some much needed exposure, really been trying to break into the thursday night comedy club attendee demographic, and yesterday was a big breakthrough. Tom Kelly, after disapproving of my choice of sock wear, dealt with my awkwardness and allowed for a shoutout for my site to occur during his set. It was beautiful.

Special! $20 APTN T-shirts

Grab them while you can, email me at Ely@athletespickingtheirnoses.com for more details

Friday, February 10, 2012

A FSU fan earns my respect and admiration

This is why I love college sports. The pure unadulterated joy and lack of shame in wanting to get on T.V. I don't find many reasons to appreciate FSU fans but I must give props where it's due. Sent in by the beautiful Dan Henry, this unknown fan positioned himself perfectly between Corso and Herbstreit not to scream obnoxiously but simply pick his nose. For that alone I applaud him but the appreciation goes beyond that. He could not only pick his nose but declare his team number one at the same time! Glorious. Who is this mystery man? I must meet him and shake his hand to congratulate him on this tremendous display. After he washes his hands.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Hey look it's Rafael Furcal picking his nose

Sometimes the Internet picks up the slack for me in a terrific way. Keep it classy. Remember, pinky up.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Deadspin is too quick for me during the Super Bowl clearly

Before the game was even at halftime, deadspin highlighted a glorious nosepick by Rush Limbaugh in Kraft sky box.  Most definitely not an athlete but was still at a sporting event. Plus any chance I can get to make fun of Rush, I'm taking it. Enjoy. It's fantastically embarrassing.

Friday, January 13, 2012

The 7th best player picks his nose on opening day

Hello you gorgeous people, it has been a while, did you get your hair cut? You look fantastic. I have a couple of  belated Christmas gifts courtesy of Kobe and temporary access to a DVR. While a previous Kobe feature was a blurry bigfoot with a dubious nosepick, we have absolute concrete proof that Kobe does, in fact, pick his nose. This double-layered nosepick during the Lakers' opening day loss to the Bulls had me more excited on Christmas than any gift I received. (I had a lovely Christmas thank you for asking)

Kobe started the nosepick with two fingers flaring the nostrils out and he followed it up with a clamp to really drive the point home. Truly flawless technique from the man who no doubt spends hours a day practicing the best nosepick, perfectionist as he is. If I had to sacrifice 16 games to the NBA's overlord David Stern for this gem of a nosepick, I'll volunteer them every year. I was afraid that the lockout would allow NBA players to focus on their outward appearance while on the bench and avoid picking their noses. We were instead blessed with Kobe's supernatural foresight in knowing that a shortened season would mean less time for nosepicking. He simply doesn't have time to look for a tissue, damnit. Here's to hoping this is a trend throughout the season. I'm looking at you Vince Carter.