Friday, January 28, 2011

Andy Murray and the motivating force of a nosepick

 I am incredibly excited to give you our first tennis nose-pick. Andy Murray, with only 75 years and over 60 million people worth of pressure on his shoulders, went for the nostrils a few times during the match last night. While he was down early to David Ferrer, Andy Murray clearly rode his nose-picked nostril momentum to a comeback victory. David Ferrer completely ignored his nose and for that he paid.
You may say it's a coincidence that the victor of the match picked his nose (twice) and the loser didn't but that's nonsense. I have seen enough nose-picks in my time to know how it can be a powerful force in sports. Murray is moving on to play against Djokovich in the Aussie Open finals. I can only hope he watches the tape of this match and remembers what spurred him to victory. If he doesn't, God save the queen, The English will go another Major without a victory. and I will go nosepick-less.

Don't forget to follow us at

Thursday, January 27, 2011

An APTN Investigation: Did Mark Sanchez actually wipe anything on Mark Brunell?

In my haste to get the post up and the excitement of witnessing an athlete not only picking his nose, but also wiping it on someone, I failed to really give a deeper analysis of the events. I simply assumed that Sanchize wiped his boogers on Brunell with admittedly weak video evidence in terms of resolution.

Courtesy of the Michael Kay Show via we have this exchange:

Why he decided to wipe a booger on Mark Brunell’s jacket:
“I have been getting so many text messages and phone calls about this.  He is like my big brother and we have such a great relationship and I just feel so bad that it was on TV and I got to know that.  I am on the sidelines but that is the way we are.  We just have fun and joke around and keep things light because that is the way I play my best.  I did not want it to be a disrespectful thing, obviously, and he knew that.  I called him the very next day, ‘I am so sorry.  I feel so bad’ and he said, ‘Oh don’t worry about it.  Only 55 million people saw you fake-wipe a booger on me.’”
If it was a fake-wipe or a legitimate wipe of a booger:
“Oh no!  It was like a fake.  It was like a cold weather, like almost-runny-nose-not-even-a-real-booger.  If it would have been there it would have been a legit booger.  I don’t think I could have done that to him…  It was like it is cold outside and my nose is like not fully running or anything but just like a little mess around more than anything.  It was more of a fake-booger-wipe if anything.  If it would have been a legit booger they probably would not have showed it on TV.  So that was the funny part and he just, just the way he brushed it off.  ‘Oh yeah only 55 million people saw it.’  He was like, ‘You are good.’  I am so sorry.  I mean he is the best.  He is the best in the world and he knows I was just joking.  It is just too bad, and the worst part is, I mean, I know he is going to get me back.  Nobody else is going to be around to see it.  It will be worse I am sure.”

Upon further review of the video it's pretty clear that he didn't get that deep into the nose and it looks like nothing came off of his fingers onto Brunell's jacket. Sanchez claims, between sounding like a valley girl, that there wasn't a booger but implicitly said there was some snot at the very least. Either way there was some sort of nose remnants wiped onto Brunell, and in fact the snot theory may be a little grosser to me, although that is a personal preference more than anything. In the end it was still a monumental event in athletic nose-picking history and energized the internet in ways not even matched by Darron Thomas's phenomenal BCS nose-pick.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Mark Sanchize: Grace, Poise and Maturity

Hello to all the lovely ladies and fellas out there.We have here Mark Sanchez, Quarterback of the Jets, sharing a nice moment with an elder teammate. A Double-sided pick followed up by wiping it all over Mark Brunell's jacket during the AFC Championship game tonight.
When Sanchize was coming out of college early, there was some talk that he wasn't quite mature enough for the NFL and could do with some more learning. It's nice to know these people were so obviously wrong. It takes a real leader with an immense amount of gravitas to just wipe your nose remnants on the veteran quarterback relegated to the sidelines. Take those reins, young man. With that being said, there isn't much I can add to this nose pick and wipe. It really is a thing of beauty to see on the football field, the opportunities of which I normally only dream. Enjoy the video below:

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dwight Howard shames the game

Back in December during winter break, I decided to catch some Magic games and I have to say watching this was absolutely repulsive. I was appalled that they would even put this on television, I know so many people look up to Dwight Howard and admire him but this really just crossed the line. The poor kids have to see their hero sink so low. It really just shows a lack of professionalism on the side of Dwight as well. I'm here to ask David Stern to ban this abomination from the sport in order to preserve the integrity of the game and ensure that no kids will grow up thinking that it's the proper thing to do in basketball. I'm referring of course to Dwight shooting free throws. It's Disgusting. He also picked his nose too.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Remember that video I promised you on Christmas?

Here's a late, low-quality video of Bill Belichick and his nosepick. Merry late Christmas

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Darron Thomas and the small victories in life

Fresh off of the national championship (with people already looking up the Oregon player who picked his nose) we have Darron Thomas, The Ducks quarterback, going in for an index finger as his team is being defeated by Auburn and Cam Newton who remained nose-pickless. Thank goodness for ESPN3 because I missed this at first, only paying marginal attention to the game because it was known to be over by then. Luckily my perceptive fans were paying attention and caught it. Darron Thomas goes for the full index which is refreshing to see with a stream of wipes and swipes coming in I thought people simply stopped using this technique while playing sports on live tv. So while Cam Newton gets a national championship, adoration of millions of people, all the women he could want, millions of dollars on top of the hundreds of thousands he has already received for his amateur career, Darron Thomas gets a feature on Athletes Picking Their Noses. We all know the real winner here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Tom Brady looks so dreamy picking his nose..

Just in time for the playoffs we have a double dip of the sexiest quarterback in the league Tom Brady picking his nose. Two videos of him going at it, and I'll be damned if he isn't the prettiest nose picker I've seen. There's really not much else to say, I try to look at the nosepick to analyze it but his dreamy locks and strong dimpled chin keep me drifting off into his beauty. The first one is more than likely simply a scratch and not a nosepick but really, you get two Tom Brady videos, you can't complain. His eyes are so powerful yet soft, the subtle facial hair that gives him a rugged look, the charming smile, that bod...Oh Tommy... Anyway here are the videos:

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

APTN has a new slogan

Hello all you beautiful fans, we're slowly making it to the big time!

Athletes Picking Their Noses: Mildly amusing for about a minute.