Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Robin Van Persie is a nosepicking GOD

What's up boys, girls and in-betweens, we have 3 brand new nosepicks for your perusal, 2 of which are from close friend of the site Robin Van Persie. Basketball has Michael Jordan, Baseball has Babe Ruth, Football has Lawrence Taylor. Legends that seem to tower over the game and change the very way it is played. Robin Van Persie is that to nosepicking. With a commitment to excellence, his constant effort to pick his nose while playing brings to mind Kobe Bryant shooting around after games till the wee hours of the morning. I can't wait to sit my grandkids down and tell them I saw Van Persie pick his nose. I WAS THERE. So folks, sit back and bask in the glory, it truly is fantastic. Focus, determination, passion. It's all being showcased in this man's nosepicks. God Bless Him.
As any true leader does, Van Persie serves as a guiding light to his fellow Arsenal teammates. Andrei Arshavin went for the clamp during the game as well, and while the confidence is not the same as in Van Persie, it's nice to see the effort put forth.

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Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Ah soccer players never fail to produce content

Thankfully I have an English father so I caught some Premiere League nosepicks. To the left we have Vincent Kompany who we did not have the pleasure of seeing at the World Cup last year due to the Belgian team not qualifiying. The picture itself is pretty uneventful, besides the unfortunate chinstrap, with a basic clamp nosepick. This is a reminder, however, of the lesson I learned from the World Cup: soccer players fucking love picking their noses. Perhaps I should watch more of the Premiere League. But then again the NFL is on so..





Speaking of the World Cup though, Van Persie returns to APTN with another nosepick and it's good to see an old friend of the site showing up once again. Following a strong World Cup appearance (nosepick-wise) we get another treat from Arsenal. I can only hope that Van Persie continues his legacy and continues to play soccer in this beautiful fashion.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Michael Bourn and the redemption of the 2011 Braves' season

While last night was both crushing (see the Braves) and exhilarating (see the Rays), my mood was mostly dour due to the Braves completely choking away the season in which they showed so much potential. At one point when it was looking like the Braves were going down, Bourn was on base and cheered me up if only for a brief moment with this nosepick. There is less facial contortion than typical of a nosepick of this style, but that is just a testament to his athletic ability. With how fast he is too, I'm lucky to have caught this in time. So now the Braves say goodbye to the 2011 season disappointingly, but they can always cling to that special moment when the season was on the line and Bourn still found time to pick his nose. One Shining Moment.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Kerry Collins meditating on why the he came out of retirement

You gotta feel sorry for Kerry Collins. He comes out of retirement to play for the sorry Colts, he grows the old man beard out a la Brett Favre minus the cockpics, and then gets a concussion the third game in (err he's being evaluated for one). So in this pick we see him staring intently at the ground wondering how he came to this sad, sad point. It was tragic to see a man fall so deep in the hole when all he wants is to escape. Stay strong Kerry, retirement will come soon enough, and the years of playing football will have softened your brain up enough that these painful memories will be forgotten.









The video is below, watch the tragedy in all its slow-motion, depressing, whygodhaveyouforsaken glory

Monday, September 19, 2011

Mayweather may have knocked him out, but Victor Ortiz gets the feature

I'd like to first say ignore the fact that this was clearly clipped from a youtube uploading of the fight. I am fully committed to catching as many nosepicks as possible, but I am not shilling out $70 for payperview when I know it will be on youtube 2 seconds after each round. In regards to the actual fight though, this was a gloriously World Wrestling Federation ending with Ortiz headbutting, kissing, attempting to hug, and getting knocked the fuck out by Mayweather. The fight even included an interviewer talking to shit to the fighter, while the fighter gets indignant. It was wonderfully scripted all of it. Now I'm no boxing analyst, but if the ref says keep fighting, that would not be the best time to go for another hug. I did thoroughly enjoy the "oh hell no" look Mayweather gave after the headbutt. Ortiz should have known his non-concussed days were numbered.

On to the more important nosepick, however. Ortiz took time away from flashing a hang loose sign and grinning like he didn't just get his face caved in by a pissed Mayweather to do a quick nosepick with the clamp technique. It was brief, unimpressive, but provided me with an important reminder. Ortiz may have had to pick his nose the whole fight and without someone's assistance, he would have had to deal with it. Like a NASCAR driver with his gloves, the boxer does not have much opportunity to pick his nose, so this rare nosepick was a welcome addition to the collection.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Tony Plush shows his sophisticated side

Noted crazyman genius Nyjer Morgan here hamming it up for the camera for the benefit of us all. Stephen Strasberg however was clearly not amused by his antics. Little did Strasberg know at the time that a year later he would be recovering from Tommy John Surgery while Morgan aka the smooth, sophisticated Tony Plush is now playing for a playoff contender. I hate to beat a dead horse, but athletes who pick their noses are in turn rewarded. It's just how the world works. Morgan shows some nice Plushdamentals in this pick, going with the classic pointer finger, and making sure that everyone sees it. I believe that this is the first nosepick where the athlete is actively picking it with the intention of getting it put on tv, and that is why I love Nyjer Morgan.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Now a return to posting with a bang

or more specifically a snot rocket:

 Here is a player for the New Zealand national rugby team via deadspin, that is just gorgeous in the epicness of the blow. For all the time I've missed not providing you people with content, I offer my apologies and a picture that will hopefully make up for lost time. We can still be friends right?

Here's a bonus Gilbert Arenas nosepick for good measure:
I still love you, fans

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen: Your NBA Champions

The classiest team in the NBA classes it up on their way to their classy, sweetheart ending. Also, Brian Cardinal has a ring. I hope you're happy AMERICA.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Luol Deng playing basketball.

Luol Deng playing basketball.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Lionel Hollins with a unicorn of a nosepick

I have work at 8 tomorrow but I am up at 2 a.m. for you people, I know I have neglected you for too long. I am here now because I have some thing special. First I'll start with a solid double clamp by Jason Kidd. This was taken during game 4 and was just barely caught by the cameras. Luckily for Kidd the Lakers decided to not show up for this game leaving plenty of time for nosepicking. I can only assume the Monstars took the Lakers' basketball skills.










Really though, this nosepick was what I was so eager to show you. Coach Lionel Hollins. While his face looks priceless going with a nosewipe, that's not where the magic lies. We have some exclusive video coming your way. Lionel Hollins busts out the before unseen nosewipe-to-facepalm. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw it. It was as if God was saying sorry for keeping me up too late, here is a gift. It was a magical sight and we have the video here below.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Brennan Boesch with an alternative pick

Alright folks, I apologize for the lack of content lately. Graduating college/copious amounts of alcohol/lack of a DVR have been interfering with my ability to get the nosepicks. Luckily I have something for you today. Here's second year player Brennan Boesch getting a little creative with a ring finger pick. Obviously a young kid who doesn't have time to worry about the proper way to pick a nose, Brennan just goes with whatever works at the time. With that said though, he's a lefty and he was even smart enough not to get anything on his throwing arm. After a respectable rookie season, Brennan is looking at a long career of baseball and nosepicking.

Remember to follow at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN for the latest and greatest in nosepick related tweets

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

John Moffitt: Nosepicker extraordinaire

Boy do I have a treat for you guys today. John Moffitt, Offensive Lineman coming out of Wisconsin, was caught at the combine employing three separate techniques in a span of about 30 seconds (and eats them no less). This is stupendous. He is projected to go in the 3rd round, but that is absurd. A man as agile as he is with his hands, and creative as he is in his nosepicking techniques deserves no less than the 1st round. For being 6'4" and 319lbs, he picks his nose like someone 100 lbs less. For that, I tip my hat to you John. Way to show the other prospects at the combine up. Here are his final results from the combine:

40 time: 5.55 

Bench Press: 23 reps 
Vertical Jump: 30.5" 
Broad Jump: 8'6" 
20-yd shuttle: 4.53 
3-cone drill: 7.79

# of Nosepick Techniques: 3


 As I suspected he was a chronic picker, I did a little more research on him and I went to the youtube! Lo and behold on the first video I clicked, his hands were around his nose constantly and I captured a double nostril clamp. John did not disappoint. This really was almost too much to take in. To have so much material from one person. This is hall of fame worthy.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Florida lost.

Because I'm feeling bitter, here's Matt Howard picking his nose again.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Capturing picks while live streaming is a little more difficult than I thought

but fear not, I have installed a program to record the screen while the games are on and with a little luck I will capture a couple in the upcoming sweet 16 games.

In the meantime, here's a picture of Bud Selig repeatedly picking his nose at a Congressional hearing a few years ago on the superserious issue of steroids in baseball. Bud Selig represents the gentleman's game, so steroids simply can not be allowed in the game. Picking your nose in front of representatives in Congress, however, is encouraged.

Don't forget to follow us on twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN for all of the latest and greatest in the world of athletes and their picking of noses

Friday, March 11, 2011

March Madness approaches

Hundreds of collegiate athletes are about to be featured all over television and online for the next month, and you know what that means: There will be plenty of nosepicks. I look forward to bringing you the best Nosepicking March Madness coverage that you can't see anywhere else. As a nice appetizer, we have Jack Cooley of Notre Dame clearing out the nostrils during a free throw attempt. Congratulations Jack! You're the first pick of the Tournament season! Try to keep your ego in check though. I understand the fame that comes with being featured on this site, but you gotta stay humble as Notre Dame looks to make a run during the tournament. It may feel like it, but being featured here is not the National Championship. Try to keep that in mind.

So stay tuned during the Tournament for all the best nosepick analysis and follow us at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN for 140 characters of shameless pandering to athletes and of course you the fans.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary APTN!

Bron Bron takes time out of his busy schedule to celebrate the first birthday of his favorite site!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Joakim Noah is all about the intangibles


It's Spring Break and here I am slaving in my living room, poring over replays of basketball games when I could be relaxing on the beach. All this to deliver more content to you. With that said, this site doesn't exist without athletes shamelessly picking their noses during sporting events. During one of the many recent Heat collapses against the Bulls, Joakim Noah had an inspired game. He brings more than just points and rebounds, it's really about the intangibles with him. Despite a pedestrian 11 points and 8 rebounds, Noah had 2 solid nosepicks. The second of which was an impressive nose tug that really brought the team up. Judging how the Bulls were able to close it out, Noah's energy and powerful nosepicks provided the spark necessary. He's just a fun player to watch picking his nose. Remember beautiful people, the sacrifices I've been making are for you, all in the name bringing the latest athletes picking their noses.



As always, follow at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN  for all the latest updates and all the pandering to athletes you like.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Joachim Low, a nosepicking all star



One of my favorite moments of the World Cup last year was Joachim Low picking his nose in shame. It seems to be that he has made a habit out of this now, with another nosepick that caught the eye of the German public. He exhibits the same shame we see earlier, as I'm beginning to think it's permanently plastered on his face. He really tries to be sneaky about it, but this guy has to realize that as a head coach, there are cameras on him at all times during the games. This type of nosepicking/eating might fly in everyday life when there aren't thousands of people looking at you, but at a soccer match you will get caught, as he has multiple times. and God bless him for it.

And as usual, don't forget to follow us at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN

Monday, February 21, 2011

The month of February is a good month for nosepickers and championships.

I apologize for the delay folks, I had some difficulty getting the capture from the Super Bowl and I've been a tad bit busy with school and such. Anyway, to make it up to you, I have nosepicks from 2 different champions. The prestige of the two hopefully will make up for the serious neglect I've shown you beautiful people the past month or so. Without further ado, here you go:



Here is the Slam Dunk Champion talking about dunks with Colleen Dominguez prior to the contest. While at one point Blake Superior had one of the most spectacular misses I've seen in the contest, he was still very deserving of being the winner. This post is in no way influenced by sponsors, so I sit here drinking my delicious Sprite wondering why anyone would say the NBA, Kia, and Sprite conspired to get Blake into the final round and give him a victory. Those types of conspiracy theories are beneath the fine folks at Kia who are working hard to produce the best cars possible. I mean I would be honored to drive a Kia Forte 5 door hatchback with 34 mpg highway, excellent handling, push-button start system and overall sleek design, but to say they influenced the dunk contest results or my journalistic integrity is just too absurd to take seriously. Shoutout to Derik Bell for the heads up on this pick.

Next we have Charles Woodson, who despite a hurt shoulder still manages to fight through the pain and pick his nose during the most important game in his life.Unlike Jay Cutler who moped around the sidelines, Woodson was in the moment, picking his nose, but not letting his gaze drift from the field. This type of balancing the utility of needing to pick his nose with the team's need to have him there with them is what makes Woodson a champion. Congratulations to Charles Woodson and the Green Bay Packers on their Super Bowl victory, you make nosepickers around the world proud. Thanks go out to Jenifer Tamman and her support of this blog with this picture. Her constant desire to help me improve this site is truly an inspiration, and because I know she loves this blog so much I just want to make her proud.

As always, remember this site is nothing without you fans, so follow us at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN and drink Sprite.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Andy Murray and the motivating force of a nosepick

 I am incredibly excited to give you our first tennis nose-pick. Andy Murray, with only 75 years and over 60 million people worth of pressure on his shoulders, went for the nostrils a few times during the match last night. While he was down early to David Ferrer, Andy Murray clearly rode his nose-picked nostril momentum to a comeback victory. David Ferrer completely ignored his nose and for that he paid.
You may say it's a coincidence that the victor of the match picked his nose (twice) and the loser didn't but that's nonsense. I have seen enough nose-picks in my time to know how it can be a powerful force in sports. Murray is moving on to play against Djokovich in the Aussie Open finals. I can only hope he watches the tape of this match and remembers what spurred him to victory. If he doesn't, God save the queen, The English will go another Major without a victory. and I will go nosepick-less.


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Thursday, January 27, 2011

An APTN Investigation: Did Mark Sanchez actually wipe anything on Mark Brunell?

In my haste to get the post up and the excitement of witnessing an athlete not only picking his nose, but also wiping it on someone, I failed to really give a deeper analysis of the events. I simply assumed that Sanchize wiped his boogers on Brunell with admittedly weak video evidence in terms of resolution.

Courtesy of the Michael Kay Show via http://sportsradiointerviews.com we have this exchange:

Why he decided to wipe a booger on Mark Brunell’s jacket:
“I have been getting so many text messages and phone calls about this.  He is like my big brother and we have such a great relationship and I just feel so bad that it was on TV and I got to know that.  I am on the sidelines but that is the way we are.  We just have fun and joke around and keep things light because that is the way I play my best.  I did not want it to be a disrespectful thing, obviously, and he knew that.  I called him the very next day, ‘I am so sorry.  I feel so bad’ and he said, ‘Oh don’t worry about it.  Only 55 million people saw you fake-wipe a booger on me.’”
If it was a fake-wipe or a legitimate wipe of a booger:
“Oh no!  It was like a fake.  It was like a cold weather, like almost-runny-nose-not-even-a-real-booger.  If it would have been there it would have been a legit booger.  I don’t think I could have done that to him…  It was like it is cold outside and my nose is like not fully running or anything but just like a little mess around more than anything.  It was more of a fake-booger-wipe if anything.  If it would have been a legit booger they probably would not have showed it on TV.  So that was the funny part and he just, just the way he brushed it off.  ‘Oh yeah only 55 million people saw it.’  He was like, ‘You are good.’  I am so sorry.  I mean he is the best.  He is the best in the world and he knows I was just joking.  It is just too bad, and the worst part is, I mean, I know he is going to get me back.  Nobody else is going to be around to see it.  It will be worse I am sure.”

Upon further review of the video it's pretty clear that he didn't get that deep into the nose and it looks like nothing came off of his fingers onto Brunell's jacket. Sanchez claims, between sounding like a valley girl, that there wasn't a booger but implicitly said there was some snot at the very least. Either way there was some sort of nose remnants wiped onto Brunell, and in fact the snot theory may be a little grosser to me, although that is a personal preference more than anything. In the end it was still a monumental event in athletic nose-picking history and energized the internet in ways not even matched by Darron Thomas's phenomenal BCS nose-pick.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Mark Sanchize: Grace, Poise and Maturity

Hello to all the lovely ladies and fellas out there.We have here Mark Sanchez, Quarterback of the Jets, sharing a nice moment with an elder teammate. A Double-sided pick followed up by wiping it all over Mark Brunell's jacket during the AFC Championship game tonight.
When Sanchize was coming out of college early, there was some talk that he wasn't quite mature enough for the NFL and could do with some more learning. It's nice to know these people were so obviously wrong. It takes a real leader with an immense amount of gravitas to just wipe your nose remnants on the veteran quarterback relegated to the sidelines. Take those reins, young man. With that being said, there isn't much I can add to this nose pick and wipe. It really is a thing of beauty to see on the football field, the opportunities of which I normally only dream. Enjoy the video below:

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dwight Howard shames the game

Back in December during winter break, I decided to catch some Magic games and I have to say watching this was absolutely repulsive. I was appalled that they would even put this on television, I know so many people look up to Dwight Howard and admire him but this really just crossed the line. The poor kids have to see their hero sink so low. It really just shows a lack of professionalism on the side of Dwight as well. I'm here to ask David Stern to ban this abomination from the sport in order to preserve the integrity of the game and ensure that no kids will grow up thinking that it's the proper thing to do in basketball. I'm referring of course to Dwight shooting free throws. It's Disgusting. He also picked his nose too.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Remember that video I promised you on Christmas?

Here's a late, low-quality video of Bill Belichick and his nosepick. Merry late Christmas

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Darron Thomas and the small victories in life

Fresh off of the national championship (with people already looking up the Oregon player who picked his nose) we have Darron Thomas, The Ducks quarterback, going in for an index finger as his team is being defeated by Auburn and Cam Newton who remained nose-pickless. Thank goodness for ESPN3 because I missed this at first, only paying marginal attention to the game because it was known to be over by then. Luckily my perceptive fans were paying attention and caught it. Darron Thomas goes for the full index which is refreshing to see with a stream of wipes and swipes coming in I thought people simply stopped using this technique while playing sports on live tv. So while Cam Newton gets a national championship, adoration of millions of people, all the women he could want, millions of dollars on top of the hundreds of thousands he has already received for his amateur career, Darron Thomas gets a feature on Athletes Picking Their Noses. We all know the real winner here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Tom Brady looks so dreamy picking his nose..

Just in time for the playoffs we have a double dip of the sexiest quarterback in the league Tom Brady picking his nose. Two videos of him going at it, and I'll be damned if he isn't the prettiest nose picker I've seen. There's really not much else to say, I try to look at the nosepick to analyze it but his dreamy locks and strong dimpled chin keep me drifting off into his beauty. The first one is more than likely simply a scratch and not a nosepick but really, you get two Tom Brady videos, you can't complain. His eyes are so powerful yet soft, the subtle facial hair that gives him a rugged look, the charming smile, that bod...Oh Tommy... Anyway here are the videos:



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

APTN has a new slogan

Hello all you beautiful fans, we're slowly making it to the big time!



Athletes Picking Their Noses: Mildly amusing for about a minute.