Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Ray Allen: The thinking man's nose picker

ESPN really is being too kind to me. Yesterday it was Brian Shaw, today it's Ray Allen. This is a veteran nose pick coming from a veteran player. This may look dubious as to whether it is a nose pick or not, but looking at the video it's pretty clear it was. Ray Allen, however, hid it perfectly behind, maybe biting his nails? maybe just idly had hand near his face? maybe scratching near his nose?. This was one of the slickest nose picks I've seen in a while, and this is why Allen is considered one of the most cerebral players in the NBA, he exhibits that in every aspect of his life, including  nose-picking.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

LeBron Watch 2010: Brian Shaw's big moment

Here at APTN, we pride myself on knowing what's going on in the sports world. Since everyone with even a tenuous connection with sports is covering LeBron's free agency, we need to as well. The Cavaliers butchered their front office on the slim hope they can still get LeBron back. Brian Shaw is their first step I guess? Perhaps the love of nose-picking will bring LeBron back to Cleveland and connect with the coach.

Brian Shaw has been an assistant with the Lakers for 5 years now following a journeyman basketball career. He paid his dues and is potentially the new Cavaliers coach. ESPN, in its continued commitment to objective journalism, shows some clips of Shaw coaching Kobe and on the bench when talking about him and the opening in Cleveland. ESPN has years of video they could use, and what do they do? Feature a clip of him looking miniscule next to Phil Jackson, and meekly ducking and picking his nose of course. Shaw is trying to make himself the smallest target possible as he goes for the pick and yet ESPN finds him and features him before the biggest moment in his coaching career. I reached out to ESPN for a comment but as of yet I have received no response.

As for the actual pick, I think it was certainly a solid one and if you're going to pick your nose while sitting next to the head coach during a nationally televised event, that was probably the smartest. I would've preferred the lean for some gatorade and pick move, but then I probably wouldn't have anything to post.

Monday, June 28, 2010

APTN presents World Cup Coverage: Joachim Low's self-loathing

While I thought the World Cup ended after the U.S.A./Ghana game, I guess they decided there are still games to play? This is from the German drubbing of the English and as you can see, German Manager Joachim Low is a troubled man.  He seems to be suffering the same guilt as Joni Pitkanen.  Low looks terrified about picking his nose, but he looks absolutely mortified with himself as he transfers the schmutz from his schnoz. He had rushed into the nose trying to sneak it in and was actually interrupted in the process which would only add to his anxiety. I only hope the German victory will help lift some of the crushing pain on his soul from his desire to pick his nose. It's good to see though that he eats it so daintily to match his dainty little scarf.

Stay tuned for more coverage as the whole world watches athletes convene in South Africa to pick their nose and also play soccer. 

(as seen on deadspin)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Fish, The Finals, and The Finger Swipe

Being the dedicated journalist one must be to run a blog like APTN, I sat down and went through the NBA finals games re-combing for nose picks I might have missed. Luckily for me, I managed to get Derek Fisher side swiping during the game. This was a very quick one, just getting schniblitz I'm sure but a solid one nonethless. This is taken from Game 3, where Derek Fisher showed up for a quarter then decided his job was done, cried and focused on grooming his bald head/beard combo and practicing his "I got called for the foul?!" face. As for Game 7, I'm really looking at Perk for the nose pick tonight, he's sitting on the bench, and can't be jumping up celebrating because of the bum knee so odds are his attention is going to wander.

And I will be there to catch the moment.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Albert Pujols clearly picks his nose

Ok so I know he's not picking his nose, it's pretty clear in the video, but I rewatched an entire Cardinals/Mariners game and I'll be damned if I don't get something out of it, especially since the entire game Pujols was rubbing around his nose. The fucking tease, I paused it at least 4 times because I thought he had picked his nose, only to find that he was just wiping sweat away. so now I hope when someone googles Albert Pujols, one result is this page that says that "Albert Pujols clearly picks his nose"

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The ecstasy of Vince Wilfork

Vince Wilfork from a few years ago here showing why I do what I do. Look at the pure joy on his face as he goes full force up there. It really makes me feel good when I see someone doing something they truly love. This man is getting so much enjoyment out of picking his nose. He isn't worried about the football game, the thousands of people at the game nor the millions at home watching. This man is caught up in one event, picking his nose. and god damn it if he didn't do it with gusto.