Saturday, December 25, 2010

King Santa James and APTN present: A nose-picking Christmas!

 Merry Christmas all! In the spirit of the giving season, King Santa James and I are blessing all my fans with 3 nosepicks today. Don't say I never give you guys anything. In this time of spreading joy, even Bill Belichick couldn't help but get into the spirit with a long swipe after Benjarvus Green-Ellis scored a touchdown. As you come to expect with Billy, he does things a bit differently. He runs a tight ship but he lets loose here with a pick unseen on this site so far. He raised his hand and brought it down in an impressive motion. (I will try to put video up shortly) This man, who is dubbed a football genius, clearly has a flair for the dramatic and an innovative approach to nosepicking.

Here we have Tommy Bowden who was the best mediocre coach in the land for years. This pick is not reflective of his coaching style, however. This picture shows a man focused on putting out the best effort possible, which is more than can be said for his teams throughout the years. He goes with the index and gets in there pretty well. It's a shame he resigned two years ago so our seeing another performance like this is benched for a bit until a mediocre team fires their coach and commits to a new coach to lead them to even greater mediocrity.

Enough coaches, we need an athlete, perhaps a superstar athlete, perhaps a superstar athlete doing things like only a superstar athlete would. Enter Tiger Woods, courtesy of Terezowens.com: the gloryhole of the sports world. We know that Tiger Woods wants to be a billionaire, despite the recent setbacks due to a wife who just doesn't understand his sex addiction. Billionaires don't pick their own noses, that's just absurd, instead Tiger goes the classy route by wiping his nose with a towel. I assume he chucked  it at the caddy afterwards who is clearly disgusted. But who cares, TIGER WOODS IS A SUPERSTAR. Know your place, Tiger Woods does, and that's why he wipes his nose with a towel and you pick up the snot rag after him.

On that note, Merry Christmas everyone! May your days be merry and your nostrils clear!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

APTN Firsthand: Dan Meacock

Now that we are settled in nicely here at athletespickingtheirnoses.com, I'd like to commemorate this event with something a little different. We have managed to get a first hand account with picture from a star Division I soccer player. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dan Meacock in part I of our APTN Firsthand series:

"There comes a time is every game, every moment, every walk of life, when noses get stuffed...First with gross natural things..followed by ones fingers, resulting in easy breathing even with ones mouth closed. As a Division 1 athlete there are plenty of times when I'm a bit too busy to grab a tissue or ask a friend...so what else can I do to get rid of that stuffy feeling. I have nowhere else to turn in the heat of the moment other than to my trusted index friend. He has the ability to wipe away the troubles like nothing and no one else can at such short notice. So kids, parents, nagging old ladies, embrace the index, have a dig and you too can experience the magic...the magic of easy breathing, the magic of nonconformity, and the magic of witnessing an athlete picking their nose...then getting paid. 
Thank you for your time,
Dan Meacock
Belmont University"

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Athletespickingtheirnoses.com is in my possession, updates soon

Good news my devoted and insatiable fans, your favorite blog, athletespickingtheirnoses.blogspot.com will soon be moving to a slightly shorter domain name at athletespickingtheirnoses.com. I am currently in the process of transferring it all over, so stay tuned. When it is fully up I will let you know so you can all change your homepages accordingly. In the mean time here's Tom Coughlin at his press conference, after his team blew the game in a fantastically horrendous way, picking his nose in shame.

The New York Knicks Resurgence tour runs into Miami and LeBron's nosepicking

 Miami Heat vs. New York Knicks. Stop 2 after Boston on the "Bud Light Here We Go Everyone is a rival with the Knicks again tour" sponsored by ESPN. This game was actually a decent one. Not in terms of the play, the Heat demolished the Knicks, but in the important area: nose-picking. A nice tight close up of Wilson Chandler picking his nose with the proper goofy facial expression during it was a solid start to the other nosepicks captured. Before I go on I should apologize for the low quality, I had to get a new laptop after mine got stolen so the webcam isn't as good, but I still aim to get you the best possible picks.

Following Chandler we get Assistant Coach Erik Spoelstra doing pretty much what he does during games. To be honest he wasn't even very effective at picking, he didn't seem to cover much surface area in the nose so I question really how committed he was. For someone whose career is hanging in balance, it would be nice to see a little more effort.






Now to the main event, the reason why people show up to the Heat games (well I mean by halftime). Player/Head Coach LeBron James picking his nose. Clearly not as good as the once in a lifetime nosepick that told me he was leaving Cleveland, but here he's with people he wants to be with, so nosepicking is not at the top of his list. The talking and nosepick multitasking seen here is a talent nonetheless. LeBron knows no one is going to call him out on the team so of course he does whatever he wants. Which, based off of his precedence, is to pick his nose at basketball games.
It's not all praise on the King though. Come on LeBron, chewing your nails is a filthy habit and you did it all game. Let's be a little more hygienic please.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Colin Cowherd round 2, it just keeps getting better

Thank you deadspin, I can't heap enough praise onto you for your efforts in promoting athletic nose picking. You treat me to a second Colin Cowherd nose pick? It really is too much, I don't deserve it. You, fans, do however. I know it's been slow updating around here, but you keep coming back because you know I bring you what you want. Here is another example of the 'Herd picking his nose, most likely digging for an opinion. If I'm not mistaken the result of this was the judging of John Wall's career based off of a pregame Dougie. Thank you Colin, for continuing to come through in the clutch, we here at APTN appreciate the consistency. These repeat performances are few and far between so you have to enjoy the ones you can get.

  For all you new fans who have been coming here because you searched "Colin Cowherd looks like a rat" or in many cases are interested in the Manning brothers picking their noses, welcome to the family. Feel free to contribute, comment, and follow on twitter

Friday, December 3, 2010

Am I posting this picture out of spite? Perhaps, but nonetheless Jimbo Fisher picking his nose, ladies and gentlemen

As an impartial nasally-inclined sports journalist, I try to be as impartial as possible. I cannot, however, restrain my joy at this picture of FSU coach Jimbo Fisher clamping the nose. Add to that the score at the top, this truly is a glorious picture. We shall not speak of the game on Nov. 27th because as far as I'm concerned this season never happened, I'm banking on maybe a coma or concussion to help me forget this miserable season. Back to Jimbo, even though this is a joyous occasion featuring an FSU coach picking his nose on camera while losing to Florida, this pick is pretty run of the mill. I'm sure he was playing it off as a scratch as often to which this style lends itself, but I see none of the pizazz other athletes exhibit. Perhaps his days of athletic picking have gone with his old age, but I think the most disappointing part is that I see so much potential in Jimbo. He has the face of a nose-picker, the name of a nose-picker, and coaches at a school of nose-pickers. Show some pride Jimbo, I know you can do better.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Colin Cowherd manages to look more like a rat than usual

Because I understand the grueling schedule and athleticism needed to do top notch sports reporting, I have to put Colin Cowherd on the blog with this full out nose pick. This man didn't just put the fingers in the nose, he put the focus on the face. This man puts everything he has into each misguided opinion, dumb joke, and, as we see now, nose pick.

You fans know how much I can appreciate a passionate nose pick and Cowherd gives me something to cheer for. This picture falls in line with how LeBron's pick captures his essence; Cowherd's pick perfectly encapsulates his ratty look and attitude. Thank you Cowherd for forgetting that you were being filmed while on the radio. We appreciate that kind of slip-up here at APTN, and remember, Colin, keep those nostrils clear.


As seen on deadspin.com

Friday, October 15, 2010

A Reflection on the Modern State of WoMAN: The rise of empowerment and breaking down of convential women's roles in today's society: How WNBA players picking their noses IS Feminism



Sometimes I sit here and realize the immense amount of sacrifice that comes with running a successful blog like this. Countless hours watching sporting events so you, the fan, can enjoy the the nasal rummages of our beloved athletes. This was perhaps the most challenging and least enjoyable undertaking so far. The WNBA. The women here lack the athletic ability and excitement that comes in the NBA. Where are the heroines and villains, where's the drama, where's the passion? With this in mind, I was wondering, would the nosepicks even be worth it? Will I get another Vince Wilfork, Steve Francis, or LeBron King James? I trudged through 30 minutes of the game and was not surprised by the effort. I'm not going to say women are genetically inferior to men, but I question whether they can pick their noses while competing in athletic events as well as men. They deserve to have their league and pick noses in it, but I reserve the right to not watch it. You can do better than these mediocre efforts, women have come too far to come so flat like this. Step it up women, I know you can do better. I'm looking at you Manica Patrick.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Peyton Manning picking his nose because Peyton Manning can

It's football season everyone! Is anyone else as excited as I am for physically debilitating injuries, concussions, steroid-fueled rage, and of course Jesus? While the NFL likes to keep their possessions under a dehumanizing helmet so people won't begin to get the idea of having sympathy for the players, we here at APTN like our athletes with their faces out in the open and their fingers in their noses.

To the left we see Peyton Manning going with the pointer finger pick and looking straight into the camera. It's almost a challenge to the viewer to try to judge him. Millions of dollars in salary and endorsements means this man is practically untouchable. The only way he could lose those endorsements would be if he was either a closet sex fiend, a murderer, or running an illegal dog-fighting ring, but really the losing of endorsements would be conditional on him becoming black first.
So go ahead, judge him for this nose pick, he doesn't care. He feeds off of it. The judgments only strengthen him. Do you feel it? Do you feel his gaze penetrating your very soul? Making you look inward, because you know you are a nose-picker yourself as well as reminding you of that one time you stole some candy from Walgreens, even though it was only once and you always told yourself that you would give the money back to them eventually but you never actually did, so the guilt rises up and starts eating away at your very being? Do you feel all of this, all while he's picking his nose? Do not mess with Peyton Manning. I have to go call my therapist.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Greg McElroy and I say we're sorry for the lack of pictures recently

I'm still trying to work the kinks out with ESPN3 so the quality isn't so shitty, but I feel like it's been too long without any pictures, so I'm gonna treat you to a few I've found around the internet over the next few days. We'll start with Greg McElroy in the National Championship game. Locked in and determined, despite having a helmet on and it being the 4th quarter of the national championship. This is the kind of focus that is expected out of a Nick Saban player, even if the focus is devoted to something other than the game at hand. Greg McElroy had the presence of mind to use his non-throwing hand which really isn't something you can teach, that's just instinct. He's a natural public nose-picker if I've ever seen one.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

An upbeat update

ESPN3 is offered on campus for free, so I can finally return to giving you guys what you want, Athletes picking their noses in various ways and places. I'll try to get one up tomorrow to give you a taste of what's to come. Stay vigilant, the time when steady updates return is nigh.

In the mean time, stay connected with Athletes Picking Their Noses at twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN and spread the word.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Update

Life has been a bit hectic, and I'm in Gainesville now, so I lack a DVR or big tv at the moment. I will work on trying to change some of that, but for now come, browse, comment and enjoy the greatest collection of athletes picking their noses on the internet

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

World Cup Final

sorry for lack of updates, I've lost a bit of passion, so here are 2 nose picks from the World Cup Final. Enjoy.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The horror of a tissue in hand

During this World Cup we really have seen some incredible stuff on the nose-picking front but never have I seen someone respond to what was going on with the rampant nose-picking. I suppose though, there is a first for everything.
Here we see the German coaching staff, and as we know the German Manager is fully capable of picking his nose, but is that what we are focusing on? Is that a tissue in the middle coaches hand? What is this madness? He's not going to actual blow his nose like a civilized human being?


Oh God he did, it makes me sick to my stomach! This man must have seen me featuring Joachim Low and responded by choosing not to pick his nose. He blew it exactly when the camera went to him which makes me feel like this was staged. I'm not a fan of conspiracy theories as you loyal readers know, but this is absurd. Having the tissue ready in his hand and right when the camera pans to him, he blows his nose seems like a strange series of events. Not pick, but blow! Oh what is going on in this world that athletes and coaches must make a point to NOT pick their noses and simply blow their noses into tissues? If this catches on I'll be out of business, I can't stand for this. Athletes: Continue picking your nose, do not follow this man. Clearly there is something to picking noses as the Netherlands went on to the final and Germany didn't. You may tell me I don't understand the basic concepts of causation and correlation, but I'll tell you that, whatever, I don't need school.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Dutch.Brazilian World Cup Nose Pick Extravaganza Part 3: The lone picker


Here at APTN, we respect players who exhibit courage in the face of adversity. When faced with the sheer onslaught of Dutch nose picking, Brazil's Dani Alves refused to take it sitting down. At every moment where he had the stage (corner kicks, free kicks, etc) Alves picked his nose with the best of them, throwing in a bit of a snot rocket for good measure. It's clear he was committed to the philosophy behind soccer and nose-picking, it's just unfortunate to see such an effort come up short due to his teammates apparent apathy for the game and nostril cleanliness. It was an honor to witness this one man performance, and I look forward to his efforts in the future.

And once again, don't forget to follow us at http://twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN for 140 characters of nose-picking, link-whoring, athlete-pandering bliss

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Dutch.Brazilian World Cup Nose Pick Extravaganza Part. 2: The value of a team that picks together


There's not much to add to this post. It's just good to see a team acting as one, Everyone is in on this, Kuyt, Van Persie, De Jong, Sneijder, the coaches. This team is destined for greatness (subject to editing after the game today) because of this togetherness you rarely see. Most players consider nose-picking a solitary pursuit, but the Netherlands scoffs at that ridiculous notion and collectively pursue the picking of the neus. It was a majestic and noble scene

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Dutch.Brazilian World Cup Nose Pick Extravaganza Part. 1: The coaches

The Netherlands Coaches were not only wearing the same playboy suits (with the top button unbuttoned of course) they also were picking their noses in the same scene as well. Success in team sports is really all about buying into the same philosophy and executing the plan. The coaches bought into camaraderie, as one coach picked his nose the other one followed suit. Clearly this togetherness and belief in team was what spurred them to victory over Brazil, because as we'll will see in Parts 2 and 3, The Netherlands as a team committed to the culture of nose-picking while Dani Alves was the only one clearing the channels on the Brazilian side. It's really an impressive thing to watch when an entire team seems to act as one entity playing soccer and picking their noses. I think it's clear to see that the Netherlands are the favorites for the rest of the tournament.

Friday, July 2, 2010

World Cup Coverage continued: The calm before the storm


It must be allergy season in South Africa, because today the Brazilians and Dutch were picking their noses non-stop. This, however, was from the Brazil.Chile game as Nilmar (in convenient Brazilian one word form) takes time from the game to do a little house cleaning. Following this game, he did not even enter the game against Netherlands. I don't want to say conspiracy or anything but I find it odd that after this nose pick, he was not used as a substitute. Could be a coincidence or just strategy but it just doesn't sit well personally.

This is just a preview for the nose-picking extravaganza that is to come. so I recommend sitting at your computer and repeatedly refreshing, because it's the only way to stay with the times by the second.

Remember, check out twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN for all the updates  and whoring in 140 characters or less

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Controversy in Cleveland

I posted a picture the other day of Sportscenter showing Brian Shaw picking his nose when reporting that he may have the Cavs job lined up. It comes as no surprise to me that he eventually did not get the job. It sickens me that ESPN would sink this low, actively messing with a man's life. ESPN still has not manned up and commented on the scandal but I will be waiting and asking the tough questions. What does ESPN have against Brian Shaw? Do they feel responsible? Should ESPN subscribe to a higher standard of ethics when reporting the news or is this schmuckery acceptable when trying to get ratings? Hopefully these questions will be answered soon.

 I mean how could ESPN show something like that during a pivotal time in Shaw's life. (I posted the picture below again if you don't remember the levels ESPN sunk to for ratings) It's really disgusting what ESPN did.


Also check out the new twitter account, http://twitter.com/THE_REAL_APTN, for up to the minute updates and pandering for traffic in convenient twitter form

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Ray Allen: The thinking man's nose picker

ESPN really is being too kind to me. Yesterday it was Brian Shaw, today it's Ray Allen. This is a veteran nose pick coming from a veteran player. This may look dubious as to whether it is a nose pick or not, but looking at the video it's pretty clear it was. Ray Allen, however, hid it perfectly behind, maybe biting his nails? maybe just idly had hand near his face? maybe scratching near his nose?. This was one of the slickest nose picks I've seen in a while, and this is why Allen is considered one of the most cerebral players in the NBA, he exhibits that in every aspect of his life, including  nose-picking.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

LeBron Watch 2010: Brian Shaw's big moment

Here at APTN, we pride myself on knowing what's going on in the sports world. Since everyone with even a tenuous connection with sports is covering LeBron's free agency, we need to as well. The Cavaliers butchered their front office on the slim hope they can still get LeBron back. Brian Shaw is their first step I guess? Perhaps the love of nose-picking will bring LeBron back to Cleveland and connect with the coach.


Brian Shaw has been an assistant with the Lakers for 5 years now following a journeyman basketball career. He paid his dues and is potentially the new Cavaliers coach. ESPN, in its continued commitment to objective journalism, shows some clips of Shaw coaching Kobe and on the bench when talking about him and the opening in Cleveland. ESPN has years of video they could use, and what do they do? Feature a clip of him looking miniscule next to Phil Jackson, and meekly ducking and picking his nose of course. Shaw is trying to make himself the smallest target possible as he goes for the pick and yet ESPN finds him and features him before the biggest moment in his coaching career. I reached out to ESPN for a comment but as of yet I have received no response.

As for the actual pick, I think it was certainly a solid one and if you're going to pick your nose while sitting next to the head coach during a nationally televised event, that was probably the smartest. I would've preferred the lean for some gatorade and pick move, but then I probably wouldn't have anything to post.


Monday, June 28, 2010

APTN presents World Cup Coverage: Joachim Low's self-loathing

While I thought the World Cup ended after the U.S.A./Ghana game, I guess they decided there are still games to play? This is from the German drubbing of the English and as you can see, German Manager Joachim Low is a troubled man.  He seems to be suffering the same guilt as Joni Pitkanen.  Low looks terrified about picking his nose, but he looks absolutely mortified with himself as he transfers the schmutz from his schnoz. He had rushed into the nose trying to sneak it in and was actually interrupted in the process which would only add to his anxiety. I only hope the German victory will help lift some of the crushing pain on his soul from his desire to pick his nose. It's good to see though that he eats it so daintily to match his dainty little scarf.


Stay tuned for more coverage as the whole world watches athletes convene in South Africa to pick their nose and also play soccer. 


(as seen on deadspin)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Fish, The Finals, and The Finger Swipe

Being the dedicated journalist one must be to run a blog like APTN, I sat down and went through the NBA finals games re-combing for nose picks I might have missed. Luckily for me, I managed to get Derek Fisher side swiping during the game. This was a very quick one, just getting schniblitz I'm sure but a solid one nonethless. This is taken from Game 3, where Derek Fisher showed up for a quarter then decided his job was done, cried and focused on grooming his bald head/beard combo and practicing his "I got called for the foul?!" face. As for Game 7, I'm really looking at Perk for the nose pick tonight, he's sitting on the bench, and can't be jumping up celebrating because of the bum knee so odds are his attention is going to wander.

And I will be there to catch the moment.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Albert Pujols clearly picks his nose

Ok so I know he's not picking his nose, it's pretty clear in the video, but I rewatched an entire Cardinals/Mariners game and I'll be damned if I don't get something out of it, especially since the entire game Pujols was rubbing around his nose. The fucking tease, I paused it at least 4 times because I thought he had picked his nose, only to find that he was just wiping sweat away. so now I hope when someone googles Albert Pujols, one result is this page that says that "Albert Pujols clearly picks his nose"

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The ecstasy of Vince Wilfork


Vince Wilfork from a few years ago here showing why I do what I do. Look at the pure joy on his face as he goes full force up there. It really makes me feel good when I see someone doing something they truly love. This man is getting so much enjoyment out of picking his nose. He isn't worried about the football game, the thousands of people at the game nor the millions at home watching. This man is caught up in one event, picking his nose. and god damn it if he didn't do it with gusto.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Clay Hensley picks for the troops

Thanks to eagle-eyed longtime fan of the site Maurice Tamman, we get this beauty. With the slew of basketball players featured on this site, I was beginning to forget that baseball is the sport where you have nothing better to do than pick your nose most of the time. What makes this Clay Hensley nose pick so great is that not only is he unabashed with an audience in the bullpen, he also goes for the double dip which I think we can all enjoy. Happy Memorial Day to all, don't forget the men and women who died so you could pick your nose safely and freely.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

James Posey and Stephen Jackson share a moment

James Posey helping Stephen Jackson keep up with his nasal cleanliness. I'm not gonna judge him for picking the nose of another man but you know, I don't want to see it. Keep it to yourself, I don't think our kids should see two men getting so close to each other. It just isn't natural and if our kids who look up these players see them doing it, they may think it's ok and do it to each other like these basketball stars. I don't want to see America the beautiful come to that, so I mean if you do, please keep it in your own home. Anyway, I don't know what technique Stephen Jackson prefers, but Posey clearly enjoys the one finger technique, which is classic for a reason, so at the very least I can appreciate the execution.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Exclusive Pick of the Night: Pau Gasol goes with a classic

The first exclusive on this site, fresh from the loss to the Suns tonight. Pau, during the tiring 6 for 14 game he had, is braving the conditions of whatever is sitting on his face. Pau really shows the grace not seen in other big men in this pick. He of course goes for the classic clamp which seems to be athletes' go to pick. I think this lies in its easy escape in case someone see them, but more importantly because it can sometimes pass as a simple nose scratch, wherein the inside finger is only offering stability to the scratch, nothing more. With that said, however, this was clearly a man with something in his nose he wanted to get out. From what I could tell, I think it was Sasha Vujacic, although there are no confirmed reports on that yet.



Credit to the ever vigilant nose-pick aficionado Ellie Bloom for the picture

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Kevin Durant with the quiet swag

Kevin Durant has been quietly been building up some significant swag in the league. Leading the NBA in scoring, almost beating Kobe in the first round, hat tipped at a swagtastic angle, big watch, and of course the matching track suit all contribute, but really the reason KD was reeking swag there was the nosepick. He readjusts the hat to wring out just a little more swag from the angle and then goes for the pick. It was a very confident pick, one where you can see how the hesitancy that he may have previously shown in his earlier years is all but gone. It's good to see the young man maturing and picking the nose without having to care whether people are watching or not. That's superstardom.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Mark Mandingo is a class act

Mark Mangino's athletic days are long behind him (He did play semi-pro baseball at one point) but he was until recently intimately involved with athletes.

This man clearly has a lot going for him, balding head, obese, inverted penis, thick grubby fingers, and a killer 'stache. You'd think that with these features, he'd have an awesome personality. Mandingo doesn't have time for that silliness repeatedly using foul language and "a harsh approach to people". He's a man and a football coach through and through.

and also a nose-picker.